So Far I Have Not Found the Science
But the numbers keep on circling me
My name is Paul. I am 28. I live in Los Angeles. I grew up in Connecticut. That pretty much brings you up to speed.
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Starbucks Barrista Hates the Shit Out of Me
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Him:
Hi, how are you today?
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Me:
Good, good, how are you?
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Him:
Tired.
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Me:
I hear that. Well, luckily there's plenty of caffeine around, am I right?
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Him:
::stares at me in silence for 12 seconds, which doesn't sound like a lot, but sit and count to twelve and FEEL THE FULL TWELVE, that's almost a quarter of a minute where the weight of him not asking me what I'd like to drink hangs in the air and I almost just walk away without anything, just conceding that he's defeated me with his tired gaze of hate, and by the way I'm well aware my joke was fucking stupid, okay? I know that, but it was not deserving of this response, this man was cruel::
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Me:
Yeah, so, uh, anyway, I'll take a grande regular coffee with room and one of those chocolate chunk cookies.
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Him:
I'm sorry, what?
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Me:
(in my head) Missed all of that, huh? Didn't catch a thing. Good for you, Starbucks Barrista Guy. Good for you.
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Me:
(out loud) Grande regular cookie--Sorry, Grande regular COFFEE and a chocolate chunk COOKIE. Guess I'm pretty tired myself.
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Him:
Will that be all?
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Me:
(in my head) Guess I'm the fuckin' idiot here, right? I'm the big fool. Well, Starbucks Barrista Guy, you are lucky Sarah McLachlan's "Adia" just came on and is currently assuaging any hostility I hold in my heart towards you, or anyone for that matter. Good day.
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Me:
Yes, that's all.
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