So Far I Have Not Found the Science

hatkoff: satrazemis: hatkoff: satrazemis: GPOYW - Making fun...

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 22:47:04 -0800

satrazemis:

hatkoff:

satrazemis:

GPOYW - Making fun of Hatkoff edition. Please stop with the face. It’s super creepy.

IF YOU PAID ATTENTION ITS FOR A GOOD CAUSE, I AM RAISING MONEY FOR PROSTATE AND TESTIE CANCER FOR 2 GOOD FOUNDATIONS, WHOS THE ASSHOLE NOW…..SAKI?

I know that dipshit. It doesn’t mean you have to look like a creep. You can just take a normal picture of yourself for your cause…

I will cause you so hard on saturday saki, so hard…… 27!!!!!!

Regardless of whether Hatkoff’s face sucks or not, I did not appreciate seeing this on my screen. Shoulda kept it to yourself, Sak.

Look, everyone! Science!

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 14:49:35 -0800

Hatkoff: how fucked up are we going to get this weekend?
Me: haha it's gonna be a good time
Hatkoff: incorrect the correct answer was so fucked up we are gonna be fossils
Me: what's your logic there?
Hatkoff: dude its pure science
Hatkoff: So if dinos are fossils and they were the msot bad ass animals ever
Hatkoff: they musta got so fucked up, especially raptors, ie, being so fucked up your a fossil is the best, plus their bones survived 65 mutha fucking million years... so if that doesnt blow your mind
Hatkoff: science explains it all my friend. its great
Hatkoff: you guys still crashing in my room right? cuz i wanna be big spoon to you
Me: i'm there

Saving Jeremiah, Episode 4! In which some very wrong things...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 12:42:53 -0800

Saving Jeremiah, Episode 4!

In which some very wrong things involving a baby occur.

Episode 1

Episode 2

Episode 3

Collect them all!

Hey, all. Episodes 3 and 4 of our old web series “Saving...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 12:38:46 -0800

Hey, all. Episodes 3 and 4 of our old web series “Saving Jeremiah” go up today. The episodes contain a riveting game of Go Fish, cute babies, patriotism, sparklers, and a shirtless Pat Beck. And one character dies. Enjoy.

And if you need to catch up:

Episode 1

Episode 2

And Episode 4, (also in my next post)

Good to know

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 10:32:59 -0700

satrazemis:

saraliz:

melissamayhem:

The censored for tv version of one of Samuel L. Jackson’s most famous lines is… “I’m tired of these monkey fightin’ snakes on this monkey fightin’ plane.”

In the censored for tv version of Kill Bill, Mr. Pussy Wagon’s most famous line is, “My name is BUCK and i came here to PARTY”

In the censored version of Big Lebowski, John Goodman’s lashing out on Danny goes something like this, “This is what happens, Danny! This is what happens when you FIND a stranger in the ALPS!”

It’s Larry, Sak. C’mon, you knew that.

cuanimation: Not sure what made me think of this today…but I...

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 10:25:45 -0700

cuanimation:

Not sure what made me think of this today…but I used to love my Sweet Pickles bus.

I also vividly remember that duck being crammed into the front seat in the beginning of the commercial.

Holy shit. I remember wanting this very badly. I kinda still do. Thanks for the reminder, dude. Christmas list ‘09!

YOU JUST GOT NARD DAWGED

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 17:44:06 -0700

(via hatkoff)

Yeah!

Wait, what?

As promised, Episode 2 of Saving Jeremiah. Three (and maybe...

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 11:32:10 -0700

As promised, Episode 2 of Saving Jeremiah. Three (and maybe four) will be out next week. Enjoy fake mustaches, hand-holding trains, not-alive bears, and Jenga. It’ll all make sense when you watch. Actually, not it won’t.

Episode 1, “He’s Got Five Minutes”, is here, and in my previous post.

I’ve upped the first two episodes of a little web series...

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 11:26:25 -0700

I’ve upped the first two episodes of a little web series called “Saving Jeremiah”, starring myself, Patrick Beck, Jorge Gonzalez III, and directed/edited by Joe Sabia. It’s the completely ridiculous tale of three men who will stop at nothing to save their friend who has suddenly been stricken with typhoid. It’s a comedy.

The first two episodes were shot back in the fall of 2005. I gotta say, the second episode is what will really hook you and was always a fan favorite (guest starring the brilliant Matt Pollock as the Typhoidologist) so if you think the first one sucks, just keep watching. I’ll be posting a new episode every week.

Episode 2: The Typhoidologist is here and in my post to follow this one.

Thinking of renaming Bunny… Colossus. Thoughts?

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 18:30:15 -0700

Thinking of renaming Bunny… Colossus. Thoughts?

junglejustine: paulgulyas: I have a question for you,...

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 23:25:45 -0700

junglejustine:

paulgulyas:

I have a question for you, Tumblr!

Did you miss me?

Sorry I’ve been away. I’ve been busy being unemployed and not getting tan, as you can plainly see.

Anyway, I’m back for a bit. With a vengeance. But mainly, for a reason: I’ll be re-releasing an old web series of mine (and a few other’s) via Tumblr—some of you might remember Saving Jeremiah. No reason to do it now, but no reason not to. Just for laughs and nostalgia’s sake.

So, stay tuned. I love you.

I can’t speak for the entire Tumblr population but I missed you Paul. Look at that face, just look. What happened at HBO? It’s not unemployment if you’re having a good time bro.

Girlfriend! Thanks for the warm welcome. My department at HBO got sold — and I was not included in that sale. Couldn’t afford me, I guess.

But I’m in a better place for it. Good things happening/on the horizon. Word. Good hearing from you.

I have a question for you, Tumblr! Did you miss me? Sorry...

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 23:03:38 -0700

I have a question for you, Tumblr!

Did you miss me?

Sorry I’ve been away. I’ve been busy being unemployed and not getting tan, as you can plainly see.

Anyway, I’m back for a bit. With a vengeance. But mainly, for a reason: I’ll be re-releasing an old web series of mine (and a few other’s) via Tumblr—some of you might remember Saving Jeremiah. No reason to do it now, but no reason not to. Just for laughs and nostalgia’s sake.

So, stay tuned. I love you.

Why hasn’t Oprah endorsed this yet? A must read for...

Sun, 16 Aug 2009 15:55:40 -0700

Why hasn’t Oprah endorsed this yet? A must read for ridiculous people who aren’t interested in reading good things.

mattedits: plan-c: Two Things Promo 2 If you don’t watch Two...

Tue, 04 Aug 2009 11:16:33 -0700

mattedits:

plan-c:

Two Things Promo 2

If you don’t watch Two Things this Fall on NBC, Pat and Dave are gonna come to your house and arrest you for Hate Crimes.

Digg it.

Hilarious stuff.

I wonder if there are any waves coming our way? I’d like...

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 11:11:45 -0700

I wonder if there are any waves coming our way? I’d like to see an Alien Seinfeld at some point.

Oh man racism looks delicious.

Sun, 02 Aug 2009 13:47:50 -0700

Oh man racism looks delicious.

My Tumblarity Is Officially Zero

Fri, 31 Jul 2009 22:34:31 -0700

Mom!!!!!!!111!!11!!111!!!!!!!!!! I did it!!!!!!!!11!!!!!1!

Footprints in the Sand... Exposed!

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 12:09:00 -0700

So I’m gonna go on a little rant here. I’m sure a ton of you are familiar with this little poem I found on a coffee mug I was given at Frank’s diner today in Burbank. It’s called “Footprints in the Sand”, and goes like this:

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. One belonging to him and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of his life.

This really bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it. “LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you, you’d walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don’t understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.”

The LORD replied, “My precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you! During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.”

On the mug, it was attributed to Unknown Author, but I guess the mug didn’t Google search because it was actually Mary Stevenson in 1936. But I guess when it comes to people who believe in this shit, the more mysterious the better! But I digress. I want to get to my point. And that point is:

What UTTER BULLSHIT this thing is. What condescending nonsense. You might think this little anecdote is harmless, but think about it for a second. This “Lord” is being given all the credit for you surviving every trial and tribulation in your life. It wasn’t YOU who endured through pain and strife. No. It was “the Lord” carrying you. Couldn’t have done it without the Lord! You are weak and must depend on Him!

Take a hard time in your life. Let’s say your pet hamster went into cardiac arrest and then exploded for some reason. This is traumatizing for you. You’re upset. But you know you have to go on living your life. You press on, you deal with it in your own process… Maybe praying is part of that, but that is YOU doing the praying, making YOURSELF feel better, not some Lord sprinkling magic “feel better” dust from the Heavens. You pray for yourself. OR you talk to friends and family about it, vent a little, cry on their shoulder. And one day you wake up and it doesn’t hurt anymore to remember your hamster has perished. Give yourself the credit. Acknowledge that YOU made it through this and that you don’t need some imaginary being to fix everything in your life. Feel good about yourself knowing that you have it within you to push through. Or AT LEAST give some credit to those friends and family, whose love and understanding is ACTUALLY tangible, who helped you get through your rough patch.

That’s like me giving you a hundred bucks so you can keep your heat on next month, you turning away from me without saying a word, and then thanking the Lord for the cash.

Do you see how things like this just hurt the human condition? I believe that as a species we are strong, intelligent, resilient, and don’t need religious hocus pocus to lean on to survive. Our strength is earthly. It is in each other. And that is a million times more beautiful than what this poem is suggesting.

iammattjordan: I quite enjoyed this. Totally different pace from...

Tue, 21 Jul 2009 22:45:35 -0700

iammattjordan:

I quite enjoyed this. Totally different pace from Superbad, but not a bad thing.

Loved it.

barefootvinyl: stevenbrisson: Alternate Movie Ending of the...

Tue, 21 Jul 2009 22:40:24 -0700

barefootvinyl:

stevenbrisson:

Alternate Movie Ending of the Day.

Hahahaha. Loves it.

(via thedailywhat)

Yes. Awesome.